Daddy’s little girl.

Father’s Day is one of the most important days to me. For two different reasons.

Reason one being my dad. I am so blessed to have had a dad who has never given up on me, has always loved me from day one and who has shown me what a good dad is supposed to be. I’ve let him down and disappointed him but he is always there. And for that I am grateful. Not every girl gets a chance to experience what it’s like to have a dad who loves them and cares.

Reason two being because of one little girl in particular who is dear to my heart and is a piece of me.

A little over 5 years ago I brought the most amazing little girl into this world. She was not planned but she saved
my life in many ways.

The moment she was born I knew she deserved the world and nothing less and that meant she deserved to have a daddy like I had.

Unfortunately, she did not have that. It made me angry, it broke my heart, it was something I just would not tolerate.

A month before her first birthday I began dating a man who would eventually be my little girl’s daddy.

He fell in love with her before he even knew he loved me. He played with her, he snuggled her, he kissed her cheeks, he made her smile and he made her laugh.

He changed diapers, he fed her, he calmed her down, he loved her. Not because he had to, but because he chose to.

Although it’s just been a couple years since Matt has adopted her legally, he has been there from the day he locked eyes with her and has never left her side.

Kenlee is the definition of a “daddy’s girl”. She prefers Matt over me any day (unless she’s in trouble). She tells me to “go away” when it’s snuggle time at night, she draws pictures of Matt, she is always seeking his approval and attention. And I’m ok with that.

She’s 5 now, and often says to Matt, “I wish mommy would go away so I could marry you.” Some moms may feel sad after hearing that, but not me. I couldn’t be more happy. I’m happy she knows the feeling of being “daddy’s little girl” just like I do.

To my dad: Thank you for always loving me. Thank you for showing me what a dad really is. Thank You for loving my daughter and being there for her from day one when she had no one else but me.

To Matthew: Words can not describe how thankful I am that you chose to be a daddy to my baby girl. She loves you to the moon and back, and I know you love her just as much. You are an answer to my prayers and I love you.

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She married a music man…..

As most of you know I married a musician, but what exactly does that mean?

I remember back in my middle school/high school days drooling over musicians. My friends and I would make any excuse to go to some sort of show and of course our ultimate goal was to hang out with “the band”. At 15 and 16 years old marrying a musician is like a dream come true. I go to some of my husbands shows and see girls just like I used to be, most of the time it annoys me but mostly because they are blinded by a fantasy world that does not exist.

When I married Matt he was doing small tours in the summer and a worship leader at a fairly decent sized church. He worked during the week and played mostly local shows that made him able to come home most nights. The longest he would be gone was maybe 4 days at a time. At the time, 4 days seemed like a lifetime and I hated every minute of it.

After 2 years of being married and 2 years of encouraging my husband to step out of his comfort zone and follow his dream, we made the decision to move to Music City. We went from having a steady income, being around family, a nice place to live and wonderful support system to 2 part time jobs, small townhouse, no babysitter, and uncertain future. Matt met with a lot of different people, some encouraging and some with a little more of a realistic perspective. He pretty much learned no matter how talented you are, it could take years. Years!? Who has time to sit around and wait for years? What have we gotten ourselves into?!? Those are just a few clean versions of what was going through my mind.

Weeks went by with us having little to no money. My purse was stolen. Our Jeep needed a new transmission. Our savings account was pretty much out the door. I was left wondering why we ever left our comfortable life back home.

After months of praying for comfort and peace, Matt gets a phone call. That phone call changed both of our lives in such different ways. A pretty major band in the Christian music industry (who was my jam in middle school) was looking for a keyboard player. Awesome right?? Maybe for him….

It happened so fast, it was supposed to take years, I was supposed to have years to prepare myself. But this is what we prayed for, this is why we moved here. Why am I not happy?

Here we are, my husband ecstatic about his new opportunity, family and friends bragging and “so Proud” of him…and I’m just angry and wondering why I would ever marry a musician. It’s not like I can really talk to anyone about it either because all I hear is “You knew this when you married him,” and “You knew he wanted to do this.” My thoughts going into the marriage were totally different than the reality of it, but how can anyone know until it becomes a reality?

I spent days crying myself to sleep, sick to my stomach and miserable about life. But why???

Because here’s what no one tells you when you marry a music man…..

You will be a single mother. You will be alone for days maybe weeks in a city you don’t know and your support system is 6 hours away.

Right now I pretty much have to put my life on hold so he can live his dream. What about me? What about my dreams? I want more babies! But God knows I can’t raise 2 kids by myself. I want a nice house and I want to stay home with my kids while still having time for myself. I want to volunteer and be involved in Human Trafficking awareness. I want to continue to move up in my career. I want to have time to finish school. I want to travel. And most of all, I want my husband home every night. I want to cook for him and I want to share life with him. I’m jealous of my friends who get their husband/partner every night. We struggle to make time for each other with shows and work and having a child. Having to reconnect with your spouse weekly is exhausting, just in time for him to leave again.

I’ve had a couple weeks to process and adjust to the fact that my life is changing. I’m starting to feel happy for my husband, and I’m starting to feel ok. I’ve made time for myself, and I’ve had time to remember who I am. It’s easy to forget who you are when you’re a mom and a wife. I’m starting to love my time to myself and know that it’s much needed so I don’t forget who I am. I am a mom and a wife, but I am also Charissa.

This new chapter of our lives will be interesting, exciting, sucky, hard and doable. I can do it. We can do it.

It may look fun and cool on the outside, but marrying a musician takes one hell of a strong individual. I’m currently lifting weights and packing in the protein to get myself where I need to be for my husband, my
daughter and for… Me.

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And So It Begins…

I am not quite sure how to begin this first paragraph…but I will start by saying welcome! Welcome to the place where I will talk about my life.

As some may know I just moved 6 hours away from what I know as home. Why? Because I married a musician. I could go on and on about him and his talents and dreams, but this blog is about me. There are times I get so caught up in his schedule and his dreams that I forget about me.

So who am I?

Well…I guess the more you read the more you’ll know.

I’m starting a new adventure, so check back often if you want to join me!

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