As most of you know I married a musician, but what exactly does that mean?
I remember back in my middle school/high school days drooling over musicians. My friends and I would make any excuse to go to some sort of show and of course our ultimate goal was to hang out with “the band”. At 15 and 16 years old marrying a musician is like a dream come true. I go to some of my husbands shows and see girls just like I used to be, most of the time it annoys me but mostly because they are blinded by a fantasy world that does not exist.
When I married Matt he was doing small tours in the summer and a worship leader at a fairly decent sized church. He worked during the week and played mostly local shows that made him able to come home most nights. The longest he would be gone was maybe 4 days at a time. At the time, 4 days seemed like a lifetime and I hated every minute of it.
After 2 years of being married and 2 years of encouraging my husband to step out of his comfort zone and follow his dream, we made the decision to move to Music City. We went from having a steady income, being around family, a nice place to live and wonderful support system to 2 part time jobs, small townhouse, no babysitter, and uncertain future. Matt met with a lot of different people, some encouraging and some with a little more of a realistic perspective. He pretty much learned no matter how talented you are, it could take years. Years!? Who has time to sit around and wait for years? What have we gotten ourselves into?!? Those are just a few clean versions of what was going through my mind.
Weeks went by with us having little to no money. My purse was stolen. Our Jeep needed a new transmission. Our savings account was pretty much out the door. I was left wondering why we ever left our comfortable life back home.
After months of praying for comfort and peace, Matt gets a phone call. That phone call changed both of our lives in such different ways. A pretty major band in the Christian music industry (who was my jam in middle school) was looking for a keyboard player. Awesome right?? Maybe for him….
It happened so fast, it was supposed to take years, I was supposed to have years to prepare myself. But this is what we prayed for, this is why we moved here. Why am I not happy?
Here we are, my husband ecstatic about his new opportunity, family and friends bragging and “so Proud” of him…and I’m just angry and wondering why I would ever marry a musician. It’s not like I can really talk to anyone about it either because all I hear is “You knew this when you married him,” and “You knew he wanted to do this.” My thoughts going into the marriage were totally different than the reality of it, but how can anyone know until it becomes a reality?
I spent days crying myself to sleep, sick to my stomach and miserable about life. But why???
Because here’s what no one tells you when you marry a music man…..
You will be a single mother. You will be alone for days maybe weeks in a city you don’t know and your support system is 6 hours away.
Right now I pretty much have to put my life on hold so he can live his dream. What about me? What about my dreams? I want more babies! But God knows I can’t raise 2 kids by myself. I want a nice house and I want to stay home with my kids while still having time for myself. I want to volunteer and be involved in Human Trafficking awareness. I want to continue to move up in my career. I want to have time to finish school. I want to travel. And most of all, I want my husband home every night. I want to cook for him and I want to share life with him. I’m jealous of my friends who get their husband/partner every night. We struggle to make time for each other with shows and work and having a child. Having to reconnect with your spouse weekly is exhausting, just in time for him to leave again.
I’ve had a couple weeks to process and adjust to the fact that my life is changing. I’m starting to feel happy for my husband, and I’m starting to feel ok. I’ve made time for myself, and I’ve had time to remember who I am. It’s easy to forget who you are when you’re a mom and a wife. I’m starting to love my time to myself and know that it’s much needed so I don’t forget who I am. I am a mom and a wife, but I am also Charissa.
This new chapter of our lives will be interesting, exciting, sucky, hard and doable. I can do it. We can do it.
It may look fun and cool on the outside, but marrying a musician takes one hell of a strong individual. I’m currently lifting weights and packing in the protein to get myself where I need to be for my husband, my
daughter and for… Me.